Posted by: Gram | January 20, 2010

Screaming Carlos

War Against The Homeless.  Day 373*.

Met an interesting chap along Borough High St this evening who, looking tanked up on Special Brew, stopped in the middle of the street as he spotted me.  I presumed he was going to ask me for any spare change to help him cure his invisible-dog from doggie-invisibility.

Or for a cigarette light, as a Turkish lady a few yards down the street had.

Instead he raised his arms aloft and scream “CARLOS TEVEZ!!”

Now, I’ve been compared with Tom Cruise on the train, and Brad Pitt in the barbers, but this was a new one on me.  Maybe I look shorter in the street.

After circumventing the tube (with craizy cackling lady at Baker St), I arrived in Reading to find the usual Revolution cra-i-zee-ness and another horde heading Purpley Turtley way.  Who also screamed “CARLOS TEVEZ” at me.  And offered me a fight**.

My immediate thought was obvious.  They’ve got organised, improved communications and are tracking me across the country!  They may not be able to afford the train tickets, but they’ve already got a man in every town waiting for me!  They have a call-sign in the form of a less-than-handsome Argentinian and everything.

Alas instead it turned out that Tevez had scored against Man Utd in the League Cup.  There’s loads of City fans down south it seems, and not at all linked to all that fat cash they now have…

*of this present “War”.  “The War” really started in Nottingham in 2001, but I’ve forgotten which day…

**I’m gonna have to take some southern nonce up on that offer one day.  It’s t’only thing that kept t’cold owt oop North were a bit of scrappin’ betwix t’pit and teatime.



  1. Bloody northerners…come down here, steal all our women…

    • Stealing all your women? They arrest you for that oop North under a little known law about kidnapping.

      Is it legal down here or something, or is it a sign of yet more ineptitude at Scotland Yard? [end of Evening Standard mode]

      • Yes…stealing all our women. *I* myself have been stolen by a Northern immigrant in my native London town. I wont say anything as vomit-inducing as ‘he stole my heart’ cos I’m ‘ard an’ don’t do the slushy stuff! 😉

  2. So, what had happened in Nottingham?

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